How does Perfectionism manifest

“Practice makes a man perfect,” even if it something I do not believe today, was the name of a presentation I gave back in my post-graduation days, and I strongly believed it too! I even proudly labelled myself a perfectionist!

Having studied perfectionism in quite a lot of depth, I eventually started to become aware of my own perfectionistic tendencies and how it may not be particularly helpful.

Today, I write this article, not only from a place of lived experience, but also because I find many of my clients deal with perfectionism and its negative impact.

Today, even though perfectionism is a buzz word in the market, most of us may not be aware of how it manifests; how it shows up in our daily choices and behaviours and may even pride ourselves in being perfectionists, just like I did! It is not just about doing something well, but it actually can be the root cause of many of our bad days, bad moods and probably unhappy lives!

Quick vetting question- “Are you someone who waits for all lights to be green before you start driving?” One way perfectionism often manifests is- waiting for everything to be perfect before you start a task. e.g. once I feel better or after I graduate or after I turn 60, I shall…….

So diving straight in, some ways in which perfectionism manifests in our everyday behaviour are:

1. Aiming for perfection at the first attempt- “if I can’t do it straight away, I won’t try at all;” “I tried it (once), but I don’t think its for me”
2. Procrastination- usually you don’t start until you have everything in control, and this fuels procrastination, or delaying important tasks (“Ill start when….”)
3. Constant worry about messing up on your task; “what if I my work isn’t approved of?”
4. Hypervigilant about what others think about you or others judging you; “all the other athlete’s are looking at me and judging me”
5. Small failures completely derail you; “I don’t think I can do this”
6. Excessive self-criticism; “ how dumb are you, you can’t even do this right”
7. Taking too long on a task, trying to make it perfect (I used to do this a lot)
8. Not taking risks or thinking outside the box
9. You actually demand for things to happen a certain way (you may expect perfection from others too)

I urge you to read them again and actually ponder upon them a while longer, looking at how these themes actually show up in YOUR life.

In all these cases, you may realise how much anxiety and self-doubt exists in the actions of a perfectionistic individual. It is enemy of progress. Do you agree?

As a short background, 2 key factors explaining the concept of perfectionism are:

1. Personal Standards:

You may often say that I am someone who wants to produce high quality work and have high standards for my performance. I agree this is essential in the high performance world, to help challenge us to achieve goals and feats which were deemed difficult.

But perfectionism is not just setting high standards or goals. Often these standards are actually unrealistic and do not take into consideration your current personal standing . E.g. trying to run 20miles when your current best is 6 miles. Being rigid and unrealistic about these standards is what leads to anxiety and worry.

One quote that has stuck with me when I think about goals and standards is “It’s not only about what you do, its who you are becoming” Are you happy who you are becoming when you try to achieve those unrealistic standards?

2. Fear of failure:

The factor that actually makes perfectionism harmful is the fear of failing or making mistakes. Such individuals often view mistakes as a reflection of their self-worth. e.g. I am not good enough. And this is largely associated with our behaviours of avoidance, procrastination and feeling anxious.

If our entire attention is not to not make mistakes, we often become single-minded, risk fearing, not open to learning and just doing the bare minimum, which kills creativity, and makes us highly self-conscious.

e.g. if an athlete is more focused upon how their teammates or coach perceives them, then their focus isn’t on doing the actual task- which causes poor performances

These 2 tendencies of setting high standards and fear of mistakes or failure manifest in the choices we make daily.

Now everytime you sense yourself moving towards perfection, you could ask yourself some key questions and stay FARR from it

1. F- How do I respond to Feedback? Does it make you judge yourself and your self-worth? When you fail at something, you can think in 2 ways: a) My technique failed or b) I failed. Most perfectionists think they are the “failure” which impacts their self-esteem. Judge the event, and not yourself, to learn from it!

2. A– Perfectionists often are inauthentic with the fear of being wrong or judged. So ask yourself, am I being Authentic? Are you taking decisions every day that make you a perfect athlete, employee, partner, friend? Or are you authentic in these relationships, and are willing to learn and grow?

3. R– What happens when you I somethingRight? You are happy but the thought process could be “thank God I didn’t mess up.”

4. R- Do I look back and Reflect on why you didn’t do well at a task? One key glitch in perfectionists is that they do not engage in self-reflections, but they actually judge, criticise, complain and often give up!

In all cases, Perfectionism is the enemy of progression. It may sound ironic because most of us perfectionists think that we are putting our best to reach those “perfect standards.”

But perfect doesn’t exist. Because if it did, it means that there is a certain level of performance you can reach and that’s it! That’s the end! This very thinking, where we believe there is no more to learn after a certain point (a quality of fixed mindset), is the enemy of progression.

e.g. I can think there a “perfect blog” on perfectionism and strive to achieve that standard. But as you may agree, that’s impossible. There is no perfect blog, or perfect stroke, or perfect investment.

It may be the best in the situation, or it could be your personal best performance (so far) but that isn’t the end! Research studies have thus recommended to now promoting Excellence and not perfection. We can set and strive for our high standards and constantly aim to get better but also be open to learn from failure and move forward.

For those who wish to know WHY these tendencies arise and a few suggestions to work on perfectionistic tendencies, do read the part 2 of this blog: The rise and fall of perfection!